Move...

A few weeks ago our pastor was preaching a sermon on being fully engaged in worship.  He was delivering a great message and hitting all his points when he got to "if you want be fully engaged in worship you have to move". He whipped out a 100 dollar bill and said it was to go to whoever moved to get it first. It went to some ten-ish year old boy sitting near the front.

I was sitting towards the back that day with two dear friends on one side of me and a young man on the other.  I didn't stand a chance...not that I actually tried.

It was then that God began speaking to me about the young man to my left.  I knew this young man.  In fact we were family who had grown very distant.  In my dark days I had built thick, strong, tall walls guarding myself.  This of course did nothing but bring about tension, unease and general discord which lead to a chasm that seemed far to wide to bridge.

God said to me "You have to make the first move."

I argued with God.  "I don't want to. It will be too hard and too uncomfortable. I don't even know what I'd say. It's been too long. What if he doesn't understand? What if he doesn't care? What if I just make a mess of things (again)?"

God said again "You have to make the first move."

"But God," I said, "I wouldn't know where to start. Lord give me the words to say to explain so he'll understand. So I can make things right again."

The pastor was moving on with the sermon, reading from Psalm 95, the part where it warns against your heart becoming hard.

My stomach in knots, I tried again. "God, why today? I'm too scared.  I can't do this. Tell me what to do. Give me the courage.  I can't do this without you."

Now we were singing and taking offering and I knew the service was quickly coming to an end.  I felt like I was visibly shaking by this point.  The pastor stood up and gave one last call to "move" in our faith.

God said to me "Hug him."

I'm pretty sure I laughed.  "Really? You want me to hug him. He's not going to hear me out let alone accept a hug.  Oh Lord..."

Everyone was standing, ready to head out of the church.  Here goes nothing.  I leaned over to put my arm around the young man in an attempt to do the half hug thing thinking "But God, what am I supposed to say?"

That's when I was enveloped in a bear hug and I started to sob right there on his shoulder.  My walls and all my hesitations just crumbled right on the floor of the sanctuary that day.  We didn't talk long.  I apologized and he reassured me that we were still family and that he loved me and that we'd get through this too.

I was bubbling over with excitement to share the experience with my husband when I got home.  Since then we've gotten together, as family, and started walking down a glorious path of reconciliation.  Thank you Lord, for asking me to move.