Victory...

It was November 14th, 2012.  My oldest was at school, my two youngest napping.  I don't remember what the weather was like, but it was dark in my soul.

I had a 2 month old who had come 5 weeks early and spent 16 days in the NICU.  The doctors had explained (repeatedly) how important it was to keep her healthy that first winter and flu season had already begun. I knew we'd be home bound for the next several months and any time someone in our house sniffled I freaked out.

I had a 16 month old who was discovering everything, and I mean everything. Every time I turned around it felt like she had something she shouldn't or was climbing something she shouldn't. She was also becoming a bit obsessive about our routine and if something went amiss during the day she would reward us with not sleeping....ever.  She made me so tired.

I had a 5 year old with attitude.  Her world had been flipped over and rocked so much in the past year and a half, from welcoming two baby sisters home to starting school (while mom and dad were at the hospital with the youngest).  I don't think she knew most days which way was up and I couldn't blame her, I didn't either.

My husband and I seemed to be locked down in our own worlds, dealing with life's stresses in our own ways.  I wanted our worlds to collide again but I didn't know how to make it happen.

So it was that afternoon I found myself trying to be perfectly quiet as not to wake the kiddos, beating myself up because I should be doing something "productive".  I sat at the computer googling things like "depression", "baby blues" and "self loathing".  Oh, it was a dark day.

Somewhere in my clicking I ended up at www.myfitnesspal.com and I decided that November 14th, 2012 would be the day I did something to change.  Anything to change how I was feeling.  I started counting my calories and got a walking pass for the elementary school.

Soon there after I developed planter fasciitis which put a halt on my walking.  Then the holidays came and I found myself including cookies and treats instead of good things in my daily calorie intake.  2013 came and I found myself again in dark days.

A friend on facebook said she was going to lead a group through the study "Made to Crave" by Lysa TerKerust. On a whim or a moment of desperation I signed up.  The study affected me in a way I never thought possible.  The truths Lysa taught us struck my heart in a way that only God could.  Little by little I changed the way I thought about food (and life) and my husband and I changed our lifestyle.

It's now a year later and this morning I did a happy dance of pure joy.  My scale told me that I have lost 80 lbs since last November.  But even more than that, my days are much brighter.  My girls, who used to make me feel so tired now bring me such enormous joy.  My husband's world and mine are now in sync.  I am happy. I am free from the darkness that once haunted my soul. I am on a spiritual journey that has had amazing physical benefits.  I feel lighter, both physically and emotionally.

My photo a day prompt today is "Yes!"
I choose a verse that I have clung to over the last year and say
"Yes! I am victorious!"