You are beautiful...

I mentioned in my last post how self esteem was always something I struggled with.  I always had this image in my head of how I should look and of course it wasn't even close to the way God had actually made me.  I gained a lot of weight with my first pregnancy and when I got pregnant again three years later I hadn't lost any of it.  I told myself over and over this was just who I was now.  I think I truly believed I couldn't change.

I didn't gain as much with Lorelei.  In fact all the weight I had gained I lost after giving birth.  But my body had changed.  Things got wider and spread out and I found the clothes I had worn before I was pregnant didn't fit quite right anymore.  We had a wedding and a couple of holiday events to go to and I was desperate for something to fit me, to make me feel pretty so my husband agreed to take me shopping.

We got to the strip mall that had the store with the semi-stylish affordable plus size clothing.  I went in while my husband listened to the game on the radio.  I wandered around picking up things that I thought might look good on me and items that maybe weren't so cute but might conceal my "problem" areas.  Three trips through the dressing room later and my chest was tight and I had to get out of there.  I was sobbing before I made it into the passenger seat of the car.  There was nothing that was going to make me beautiful.

After I calmed down I begged my husband to just take me home. Instead he came around to my side, took my hand and led me back into the store.  He wandered around with me picking up things he thought would look nice on me and when we had a pile he shielded his eyes and marched right into the dressing room with me. Once inside the cramped space he stood in front of the mirror like a body guard.  I tried things on and he refused to let me look in the mirror.  He gave me his honest (and gentle) opinion on the things I tried on but he told me to only buy the things that made me feel good, because that was all that mattered.

When we got home I asked him to remove the full length mirror from our closet and he did.  I started focusing on how my husband saw me, beautiful and attractive, instead of what I thought I looked like.  Now when I try things on at the store and even when I great ready at home, I do a quick glance in the mirror, you know to make sure it's not inside out or something embarrassing, but then I focus on how it makes me feel.  If I feel good then I'm going to be comfortable and confident and my beauty will shine.

Maybe you don't have a husband or a friend who'd be willing to physically go in that dressing room with you and guard you from the mirror, but Jesus is always with you. Let Him whisper to you that you are beautiful. You are His, created in His image for His pleasure.  The creator of all things created you and adores you above all things. You are the most stunning of His creation.   Let it resonate in your soul.

We need not try to love ourselves more. We need to receive God's incredible love for us.  His perfect, undying, never ending, never giving up, always and forever love for us.  See yourself as God see's you, perfect in your imperfection. You are beautiful.