You are an overcomer...

I had some seriously strange dreams last night but the one had me jumping out of bed and reaching for my Bible was one in which God was whispering "Don't forget about me."  I really don't remember what happened before that or why God was telling me this but it was enough to get me moving out of bed in a hurry.

I settled on the couch with my Bible, devotional, journal and a cup of coffee anxious to hear what God had for me this morning.  My devotional was on toxic thoughts and how to hold our own thoughts accountable. The devotional quoted several verses from Philippians chapter 4 so this was the next logical place to go. I'm going to paraphrase and interpret, but you can find the verses in their entirety here.

My brothers and sisters, whom I love and long for, my joy and my crown, stand firm in the Lord in this way:
Did you catch that? Whom God loves and longs for, His joy and His crown. I love that!  And that's you and that's me!

Rejoice in the Lord always. 
ALWAYS. Even when it's hard. God uses everything for His glory, even the hard stuff.

The Lord is near.
We don't know how or when or how. But we do know He has promised to come back for us.

Do not be anxious about anything. In every situation, pray, give thanks and then present your requests to God.
Oh, sometimes this is hard because it is so easy to be anxious. But God has asked us to take a deep breath...and talk to Him.

And God's peace, which we can not understand will guard your hearts and minds.
That's a promise right there for you and for me.

Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things.
Often "stinkin' thinkin'" (discouraging thoughts and temptations) come unannounced. But we can make the conscious choice to contemplate good things.  Reading uplifting verses and meditating on them, making a list of God's attributes, counting our blessings-these things can get our thinking back on track.

Whatever you have learned or heard or seen from Me - put in to practice.
Now go. Do what God has asked you to do. Imitate Him. Follow His instructions.

And the God of peace will be with you.
There's another promise friends. He's going with you.

And then let's back up to Philippians 3:16 ...Only let us live up to what we have already attained. Knowing these things is simply not enough, we are to emulate what we see in Jesus.

Friends, you are not captive to whoever it is you think you are. You are loved and longed for. You are His joy and His crown. You are an Overcomer.

Just take a breath, don't forget

Hang on to His promises

He wants you to know

Imperfect Perfection...

I am human. I make mistakes. I stumble. I fall. I stray. I take the wrong path. But God is working in me. He is making me complete, not as in finished but as in prepared to go on from here. And it hurts. The sharpening and transforming and changing. But I will let Him do what He needs to, no matter how painful because when His work is finished in me, it will all be worth it and I will finally be perfect.

The definition of perfection is being "the state of being free from flaw or defect". We are all so far from perfection in our humanness. However, we were made in perfection by the Creator of the universe. So God breathed life into Adam and Eve. When they opened their eyes, the first thing they ever saw was God's face. And when God saw them he was like a new dad. "You look like me," he said. "You're the most beautiful thing I've ever made!" God loved them with all of his heart. And they were lovely because he loved them. And Adam and Eve joined in the song of the stars and the streams and the wind in the trees, the wonderful song of love to the one who made them.Their hearts were filled with happiness. And nothing ever made them sad or lonely or sick or afraid.  God looked at everything he had made. "Perfect!" he said. And it was. {The Jesus Storybook Bible} When God looks at you, He sees the perfection of your imperfections. 

God's given you a unique story that is yours alone.  He has placed you at a specific place in time that will bring Him glory. And whatever God is bringing you through at this very moment is going to be the testimony that brings somebody else through.   And wherever you are going, He has already been there, paving the way for you.

God loves you unconditionally, as you are and not as you should be,

because nobody is as they should be.  ~ Brennan Manning

And because we are flawed, living in a fallen world God extends us grace.  Salvation. A fresh start. Our mistakes now serve a purpose instead of serving as shame. We are a work in progress.  

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made PERFECT in weakness.

2 Corinthians 12:9

You are perfect. You are loved.

'I love you', says the Lord. 'I see you, and I know you, and I love you. Period.

I know stuff about you that you don't even think I know, and yet I love you. 

I know the things you are hiding, and yet I love you.

I love you so much that even what I know about you didn't stop me from sending Jesus to the cross to die for you. In fact, the very fact that you are suffering is why Jesus went to the cross. To redeem you. My love is not an equation, something you have to earn or barter for. 

I love you-I bless you in the midst of your sin. 

Not to condone it, but to remind you of the glorious reunion that awaits when you come to me.

My blessings are to remind you of my great love and turn you into my arms. 

You cannot repay My love or My grace. You can only rejoice in it.

Do not let circumstances define God's love for you. He loves you.Period.'

{taken from Susan May Warren's "You Don't Know Me"}

Cease striving and longing for worldly perfection. Stop expecting perfection from imperfect people. Instead, extend grace and embrace your imperfect perfection.

Hello, my name is...

A couple of weeks ago I had the opportunity to share my testimony again, cardboard style.  When I was first approached with the idea I thought it sounded powerful and amazing. Basically we wrote on one side of a piece of cardboard words that described what our life was like before Christ then we would flip it over and share words of what we are now in Christ. (The best part was I didn't have to actually say anything, just hold my cardboard!)

So when I got to the planning meeting a couple weeks before the event where 225 ladies were registered to attend and I heard my sweet friend Rachel using my story as an example I freaked out a little bit (on the inside).  I couldn't stand up there in front of two hundred plus women with words like "raped", "divorced" and "suicidal" on my cardboard, could I?

God answered me with a quick and loud "Yes you can."  He reminded me that in fact I had already publicly shared those things, on a few occasions to hundreds of ears. Not to mention it was on my blog for all the world to see.  I could and would stand up there and hold my cardboard proudly because it's what God has asked me to do.

Each time I write a post or share my story I pray that God would give me the exact words that need to be heard so that some soul can find an honest way to connect with God. And I pray for those that need to hear them, that they would be in the right place physically, emotionally and mentally to hear them.  Maybe today, that person is you?

Before you watch the clip of some amazing women sharing their powerful testimonies, let me take a minute to remind you of who you are. 1 John 3 1 says "See what great love the Father has for us that He would call us His children. And that is what we are." Children of God. Beloved by God. Zephaniah 3:17 says "He will take delight in you with gladness...He will rejoice over you with joyful songs." What does that sound like? Maybe the applause of heaven? Can you hear it, friend?

You are God's child and that means He is crazy about you.  And that doesn't change. Not when we do something stupid and not when terrible things happen in our lives. God's love simply is.  You are forgiven. You are chosen by the creator of the universe to be His. And while it may feel impossible to be undeserving and favored all at the same time, you are.

At the end of the clip you will hear my sweet, sweet friend Rachel challenging the women in the audience to take off their name tag and write their new name, who they are in Christ.   Revelation 2:17 says that one day we will all receive a white stone with our new name engraved upon it.

The link to the video of our cardboard testimonies is below.  I encourage you to watch and then write yourself a new name, maybe on something white.  I'd love to hear what your new name is, feel free to comment and share.

Cornerstone Church Women's Extravaganza's Cardboard Testimonies

You are beautiful...

I mentioned in my last post how self esteem was always something I struggled with.  I always had this image in my head of how I should look and of course it wasn't even close to the way God had actually made me.  I gained a lot of weight with my first pregnancy and when I got pregnant again three years later I hadn't lost any of it.  I told myself over and over this was just who I was now.  I think I truly believed I couldn't change.

I didn't gain as much with Lorelei.  In fact all the weight I had gained I lost after giving birth.  But my body had changed.  Things got wider and spread out and I found the clothes I had worn before I was pregnant didn't fit quite right anymore.  We had a wedding and a couple of holiday events to go to and I was desperate for something to fit me, to make me feel pretty so my husband agreed to take me shopping.

We got to the strip mall that had the store with the semi-stylish affordable plus size clothing.  I went in while my husband listened to the game on the radio.  I wandered around picking up things that I thought might look good on me and items that maybe weren't so cute but might conceal my "problem" areas.  Three trips through the dressing room later and my chest was tight and I had to get out of there.  I was sobbing before I made it into the passenger seat of the car.  There was nothing that was going to make me beautiful.

After I calmed down I begged my husband to just take me home. Instead he came around to my side, took my hand and led me back into the store.  He wandered around with me picking up things he thought would look nice on me and when we had a pile he shielded his eyes and marched right into the dressing room with me. Once inside the cramped space he stood in front of the mirror like a body guard.  I tried things on and he refused to let me look in the mirror.  He gave me his honest (and gentle) opinion on the things I tried on but he told me to only buy the things that made me feel good, because that was all that mattered.

When we got home I asked him to remove the full length mirror from our closet and he did.  I started focusing on how my husband saw me, beautiful and attractive, instead of what I thought I looked like.  Now when I try things on at the store and even when I great ready at home, I do a quick glance in the mirror, you know to make sure it's not inside out or something embarrassing, but then I focus on how it makes me feel.  If I feel good then I'm going to be comfortable and confident and my beauty will shine.

Maybe you don't have a husband or a friend who'd be willing to physically go in that dressing room with you and guard you from the mirror, but Jesus is always with you. Let Him whisper to you that you are beautiful. You are His, created in His image for His pleasure.  The creator of all things created you and adores you above all things. You are the most stunning of His creation.   Let it resonate in your soul.

We need not try to love ourselves more. We need to receive God's incredible love for us.  His perfect, undying, never ending, never giving up, always and forever love for us.  See yourself as God see's you, perfect in your imperfection. You are beautiful.

You are worthy...

About a month ago my friend Shelly from Just Trying to find My Way spoke at a women's event at church; she talked about having those friends in your life that would speak truth to her when she was feeling low, depressed, lonely, sad.  It stuck with me.  We all need someone to speak truth to us.

Since then God has revealed a series of blog posts He wants me to write.  Blogs that will speak truth to you about who you are, regardless of who you think you are.  And while I've been busy outlining my ideas and getting Shelly to agree to help me tag team the topics and dreaming of where we could go with this I've been finding it incredibly hard to find time, inspiration and motivation to start.  I know these are Satan's attempts to stop me, because he doesn't want you to hear what I have to say.  Satan wants you to continue putting yourself down, beating yourself up, lying to yourself about who you are.

Ever since I can remember I was my own worst enemy.  Everything I did was never enough.  I never lived up to my own expectations.  My standards were far from attainable. I was always pushing myself to do more and to do it better...to be better, to be someone else.  And when I compared myself to everyone else I fell short there too.  My goal was perfection and and I was so imperfect.

In high school I worked two and three jobs and kept good grades.  I took college classes my junior and senior years to get ahead and save myself some money.   I was the one that volunteered to work on nights like homecoming because that was easier than having to hang out with my friends. My relationships with boys were drama filled and I let them use me. I walked around with a plastic smile on my face telling everyone that everything was okay, good in fact...but on the inside I was a hot mess waiting to explode.

My self esteem was at an all time low after our first daughter was born. I had always struggled with my physical appearance.  My curly hair and the size of my jeans were never in style.  I could count on one hand the number of times in my life I had felt pretty.  I gained a lot of weight with the pregnancy and it made me call myself all sorts of names I would never allow anyone else to call me.  I struggled as a new mom, again with impossible ideals.

I began having severe panic attacks and they usually were centered around having to leave the house.  It started with having to get dressed up to go to church.  Then being afraid someone I knew might see me at the grocery store.  Then worry of what my family or in-laws would think of me at holidays. It even progressed to when my husband would leave for work, because I was no longer leaving the house.  I'd find myself crying inconsolably on the bedroom floor loathing everything about myself and refusing to hear any truth my husband tried to speak to me.

Until one day it hit me.  I had a little girl. A little girl who was starting to imitate her mommy.  I didn't want to be this person anymore. I wanted to be a good example for her.  So I started to pray, begging God to speak truth to me through His word.  Somewhere along the way I went to a Women's Retreat at a bible camp.  I got put in a "rustic" cabin full of women I didn't know. I never went to bible camp as a kid and I had just started leaving the house again so this was a HUGE step out of my comfort zone.  The first night at chapel we were asked to turn to the person next to us (who happened to be my bunk mate and now best friend Shelly) and tell them one thing we like about our self.  A simple question that I had no answer to.

I kept seeking answers though and God continued to reveal Himself to me.  He showed me that my value is not determined by what others think of me and it's certainly not determined by what I think of me.  My value is determined by what God thinks of me.

I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

He also reminded me I am His. His child.  His cherished possession. His treasure. Loved, wanted and adored.

We are children of God through faith in Jesus Christ

But you are the ones chosen by God, chosen for the high calling of priestly work,

chosen to be a holy people, God's instruments to do His work and speak out

for Him, to tell others of the night and day difference He made for you -

from nothing to something, from rejected to accepted.

He told me that I am worthy of love and affection. Worth more than I could ever comprehend. Worth more than the whole world. Worth dying for.

For God so loved the world, that He gave His one and only Son, 

whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.

We can understand someone dying for a person worth dying for, 

and we can understand how someone good and noble
 can inspire us to selfless sacrifice. 

But God put His love on the line for us by offering 

His Son in a sacrificial death while we were of no use whatsoever to Him.

You are not the standard and you don't set the standard.  The only standard we need to hold ourselves to is one of grace, not perfection. So friend, let me tell you regardless of who you think you are, the reality is you deserve someone who would die for you.  Someone who knows your inmost being.  Someone who accepts you, loves you, cherishes you and thinks you are absolutely wonderful. You are worthy.