See tonight I've opened up my home to friends old and new, acquaintances and strangers to study God's word and Lysa TerKeurst's Made to Crave. Which is why I found myself de-cluttering my kitchen this morning instead of using my "quiet" time to read my devotional and Bible and to pray. I should really know better by now.
I know that by starting my day this way my day goes more smoothly. I feel more in control. I have more patience. I enjoy my day. But this morning I listened to Satan's lies telling me my kitchen clutter was repulsive and more important.
Then my children were up and I found myself rushing Eva to get ready for school and losing patience with my little two. I snapped at my husband. I found myself looking around at my house; one that I typically find cozy and comfortable but all I could see was how it was lacking.
Then came the email from church saying the books for our study, the ones that were supposed to be here, are not here. They've been delayed by the weather. I took it upon myself to worry and fret and stress about whether or not they will make it here today.
Then I started looking at myself and how the jeans that fit well yesterday now felt tight. My sweater no longer fit right. Who am I trying to kid? I was feeling like a failure, like a hypocrite. Completely inadequate for leading a group of women through God's word.
So I found myself crying and yelling and pleading with my husband to pray with me over the phone. It's one of those days that I just want a re-do and it was only 8:30 in the morning.
I prayed (and apologized) with my husband. I put our youngest down for a nap. I put a movie on for Lorelei and determined to ignore all the "bad mom" thoughts for letting her watch tv. I sat down and opened up my devotional, Unglued, also by Lysa TerKeurst. Here is the first thing I read:
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.
Isaiah 43:18-19
It was exactly what I needed to hear and exactly when I needed to hear it. If I had read that a few hours earlier I doubt it would have been as significant. It went on to talk about how on "one of those days" you need to stand firm on what you know and not get whisked away in a sea of emotions. That I am the boss of my feelings, not a slave to them. That a few bad moments don't make me a bad person and they don't define who I am. That I need to position my heart in a place to experience God.
For me, one of those places where I hear God is right here on my blog. So I sat down and opened up a new post and my fingers have hardly been able to keep up.
Bad moments don't define me. That's not who I am! I am not a failure or a hypocrite. I am a lavishly loved child of God. My husband, my children and my home are blessings. And He has put me on this journey, leading these women through God's word and Made to Crave.
Father God, remind me that you are always here for me on good days and bad. Help me to enjoy the good ones and to look for how you are turning around the not-so-good ones. Give me your power to react in a graceful and godly way when I'm having "one of those days". Shut down Satan's attacks against me. Protect the women that you have put on this journey with me. Remind us all of your love and and our need for You. And if it is safe to do so bring those books through the snow to us. :) In Jesus precious name, Amen.
As I wrap this post up the snow has stopped falling and the sun has come out making the snow glisten and glitter in such a spectacular way. Everything is once again white and pure and beautiful. It's like God just smiled at me and gave me a re-do.
Finally, bothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble,
whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely,
whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent
or praiseworthy - think about such things.
Philippians 4:8
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