Progress, Not Perfection...Start.

*This post is intended to be apart of series of posts I'm working on. Stay tuned.*

A sweet family approached me a couple of weeks ago and asked me if I knew of any resources that could help them make a healthy lifestyle change.  I get approached with these kinds of questions quite often actually.  See, for those of you who don't know me, I'm a completely different person, inside and out than I was 2 years ago.

All my life I remember being on the heavy side. Bigger than society deemed appreciative and overweight by medical standards. I suffered from poor self-esteem which often times was more like self-loathing. I hated the way I was but the thing is, if I'm honest, I didn't want to do anything about it. I didn't want to change what I was eating. I avoided physical activity because I didn't like it and well, it was hard.

Two years ago I had just had my 3rd child. I was at the heaviest I had ever been. I was sad, depressed and lonely. I was tired of feeling guilty. I was tired of crying over what to wear when I had to go out in public. I was tired of not having any energy to play with my kids. I was tired of feeling crummy all the time. I was tired of being tired.

Then one day I decided enough was enough. I looked at my 3 girls and I knew I didn't want them to end up like me; sobbing over what to wear, avoiding mirrors, hating their bodies and eating in secret. I decided I wanted to change.

For me, my changed started with the bible study Made to Crave by Lysa TerKeurst.  Now I love this study so much that I've gone through it 5 times and every time I love it just as much as the first. However, as wonderful as this study is, it's written to the heart of a woman who struggles with food. And it should be. But where do I refer that sweet family or that man who is struggling too?

I'm no Lysa TerKeurst, but I decided I've learned a few things in the last couple years. I'm also blessed to be surrounded by 5 groups of women who are now on their on their own journeys to a healthier version of themselves and who are also a wealth of knowledge.

So this is my before and after. Quite honestly the before is a hard picture for me to look at and was even harder to find, since I was never one to want to be in front of the camera. I've lost close to 100 pounds since then. I stopped counting because at some point my goal wasn't a number on the scale anymore. It was to feel good in my own skin.

Dropping that kind of weight has had some seriously great side effects. I get sick far less often than I used to. I have less aches and pains and way more energy. And I learned first hand that when you start to feel good physically, you feel good emotionally too.

So how do you get there? You start. You decide that today is the day you want to make a change. It's not about starting a diet the won't work or won't last. I'ts not about starting some fitness boot camp. It IS about committing to changing your lifestyle...forever.  It's not looking back, it's always looking forward. It's about progress, not perfection.

It's about quieting the voice in your head that says "I can't".  It's about telling yourself that you can and you will do this. And then invite God to join you on this journey (and some friends and family too!).

It won't be fast and it won't be easy. But, friends, it is so worth it.

Lazy people want much but get little, while the diligent are prospering.

Proverbs 13:4

My joy is in her...

I had a few minutes of quiet this morning so I decided to open up my bible.  I'm not sure what prompted me to turn to Isaiah but there's where I went. So I was drinking my coffee and reading along when this verse made me stop in my tracks.

As a young man marries a young woman,

so will your Builder marry you;

as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride,

so will God rejoice over you.

Isaiah 62:5

It immediately brought these pictures to mind. The moment when Dana and I first saw each other before we were married.

As I was recalling our wedding day I remembered nothing had gone right that morning. My hairdresser was late and hungover. I couldn't find my shoes. And just before I was headed out to see my groom the zipper broke on my dress and I had to be sewn in. 

But even with all the mishaps of the morning I wasn't the least bit anxious or nervous. I was busting at the seams (or zippers apparently) with excitement and joy!  I couldn't wait to get out there, to where my groom was waiting for me. I was delighted to be his bride and couldn't wait for our life together to begin. 

I asked my husband for his take on that day and he said "I wasn't anxious, I was excitedly waiting and praying for our marriage, that it would be one that honored God. I was full of joy when I finally saw you. I was excited for a new beginning, standing next to my best friend." {He still makes me swoon.}

So I was recalling all of this extreme joy and excitement as I read the verse again.

As a young man marries a young woman,

so will your Builder marry you;

as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride,

so will God rejoice over you.

Isaiah 62:5

And it hit me that those feelings I had that day, the moments of zipper busting bliss, are how God feels about me. He wants to be our bridegroom and He rejoices over us.  

And then I had to back up a little to Isaiah 62:4

You will no longer be called "Left Alone."

Your land will no longer be called "Forgotten."

But you will be called "My joy is in her,"

and your land "Married."

For the Lord finds joy in you,

and to Him your land will be married.

The note in my bible says: How can land be Married? This is figurative. Since marriage was considered a blessing, this was a picture of God's blessings on his people who lived in the land.

When I married my husband I was no longer alone. We were one; a team.  And God tells me the same with Him. I am not alone or forgotten. He gave me a new name, "My joy is in her." And friends, this is your name too. Whatever the mishaps, troubles or difficulties you have going on in your life, you are not alone. You are not forgotten. He is blessing you. Your bridegroom finds great joy and rejoices over you. You, my friend, are His.

I'm gonna fix my eyes on Him...

Yesterday morning I read this news story about a young man who was sneakily taking pictures of young children in his neighborhood.  The pictures ended up on a Russian child pornography website and even though the pictures of these innocent children were not sexual in nature the comments that followed the pictures most certainly were.

The story gave me the creeps, the idea that some random person or even your neighbor could take pictures of your children playing at the park and post them to the internet inappropriately and you wouldn't have a clue.  And if you read the news you would know that this story is pretty mild compared to some of the insane and horrific things going on in the world.

So all morning I was walking around my house, looking at my sweet children and thinking "Oh, I wish I could raise you in a bubble."  As a mama I want to do anything to protect them from harm, whether it be physical, emotional or mental.   Wouldn't it be great to just lock us all in the house and be safe for the rest of our lives?

Then in the afternoon I checked my email and I saw one with the title "Urgent Prayer Request". Here is an excerpt:

Prayer Request from Missionaries who are in the areas that are being attacked by ISIS are asking to be showered in prayer. ISIS has taken over the town they are in today. He said ISIS is systematically going house to house to all the Christians and asking the children to denounce Jesus. He said so far not one child has. And so far all have consequently been killed. But not the parents. The UN has withdrawn and the missionaries are on their own. They are determined to stick it out for the sake of the families - even if it means their own deaths. They are very afraid, have no idea how to even begin ministering to these families who have had seen their children martyred. Yet he says he knows God has called them for some reason to be His voice and hands at this place at this time. 

Even so, they are begging for prayers for courage to live out their vocation in such dire circumstances. And like the children, accept martyrdom if they are called to do so. These brave parents instilled such a fervent faith in their children that they chose martyrdom. Please surround them in their loss with your prayers for hope and perseverance. 

Wow. I felt sick. But then God whispered to me "This is my command-be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the LORD your GOD is with you wherever you go. {Joshua 1:9} Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified because of them, for the LORD your GOD goes with you; He will never leave your or forsake you. {Deuteronomy 31:6} In this world you will have trouble. But take heart; I have overcome the world! {John 16:33} I have given Your word to My followers. The world hated them because they do not belong to the world, even as I do not belong to the world. I pray not that you take them out of the world, but that you should keep them from evil. {John 17:14-15}"

And so I prayed. I prayed for peace for those that were grieving and courage for those that were afraid. I prayed for a strength in their faith that could only come from an intimate knowledge that they were doing the work of their Creator. I prayed for open minds and open hearts. I prayed that the missionaries work would not be in vain but that God's message would be heard. I prayed that they would feel Jesus presence with them and hear His voice. I prayed that God's name would be glorified. And then I prayed that God would teach me how to raise my girls to be like those kids who lost their life. Kids who were so solid in their faith that they would not denounce the name of Jesus even if it cost them their life.  

And that was a hard prayer to pray because I know God is not asking me to raise them in a bubble or lock them in the house.  He's asking me to raise them to do His work. To go out in this crazy messed up world but to be strong enough to not be overcome by Satan's deceptions and temptations.  

It might have been easier to pray that God would just stop ISIS and call it a day. It would always be easier to ask God to give us freedom from doing His work, freedom from suffering, freedom from temptation, but we live in a fallen world and there is evil here. So instead I choose to pray for strength to do the work, joy in the suffering and power to overcome the temptation.  Instead I pray that I can fix my eyes on God and all that HE is and let him make all my worries, fears and doubts fade away. And that is my prayer for you too.

Forget about it...

I was recently talking with a someone and painful things from the past came up.  They told me "You need to FORGET about it." My immediate thought was "that's impossible."  We don't live in a world with memory erasing devices or serums and as painful as some memories are I don't want to forget them, and here's why: I've seen God use them for His good.

It was almost a year ago I was asked to share my story publicly at church in front of a lot of people. On the outside I was freaking out about this, making myself vulnerable in a room full of mostly strangers, sharing dark things like being raped...divorced...suicidal.  But the thing is God gave me such incredible peace in my mind that I stood up and did it. And then I was asked to share it again and again and again.

Now it would be really easy to park my brain in a spot that dwells on things that have haunted and damaged me. But to park there is to stay in a spot that makes me feel angry, hurt and emotionally empty. Or I can choose to park in a spot of forgiveness and grace.  If I park here than those painful things no longer have power over me; they no longer define me.  Instead I can learn and grow from them.  I can use them as a marker of sorts to see how much God has changed me or to see how far He has carried me.

The amazing thing is in the last year I've seen firsthand what it says in Romans 8:28 "and we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them". I've heard from women all over the world who have stories similar to mine who needed to hear they weren't alone.  And if I had to go through those awful things to so that someone else can hear about grace then it was worth it.

God's plan for us is so much bigger than the little snippets we see. In Isaiah 55:8 God says that His thoughts are not our thoughts and His ways not our ways, but through faith we can trust that He has a plan to use it for good. Even when it hurts.

So let's not forget what has happened in the past but let's trust that sometimes when things are falling apart they may actually be falling into place.