The grass is always greener...

Most of my life I've suffered from poor self esteem.  Looking back I think it was in large part due to my own self sabotage and destructive thinking.  I wasn't bullied or made fun of, in fact I was pretty good at blending in to the background.  I was constantly comparing myself to everyone around me and wanting whatever they had. My curly hair was never in style, I was always heavier than every other girl and my clothes always came from the wrong store. You know, how the grass is always greener...

My self worth was always based on whatever everyone else had and what everyone was doing.  I was always striving for the status that I gave everyone else and I was always falling short. And that is a miserable, lonely and dangerous place to be.

One day my oldest came home from school overflowing with excitement about the new friend she had made.  The next day as I was dropping her off and the new friend's mom introduced herself.  The new friend was just as excited about having met Eva.  We chatted a bit and exchanged numbers.  I went home so intimidated.

This mom was gorgeous, with the perfect hair and the cute clothes and the nice car. A week or two passed and we set up a play date for the girls.  I won't lie when I say I had a full blown panic attack before said play date. Crying in my closet over what to wear.  Stressed that what I had would never come close to what she surely did.  As I drove in the driveway that day I learned she had a spectacular house too. I was crushed.

Yet as I got to know her I realized that she was humble, kind and gracious. She was shy and had insecurities just like me.  She was just trying to figure out life, just like me.

It was as I was going through the Made to Crave Bible study that I really started to learn who I was as compared to who I thought I was.  I am not a failure or a hypocrite or a loser. I am a lavishly loved child of God, wholly and dearly loved, and set apart for a mighty plan.  I am accepted. I am cherished. I am free.

We compare, we assume, we assess, 

we measure, and most times walk away

shaking our head at how woefully short

our "me" falls when compared to everyone else.

How dangerous it is to hold up the intimate 

knowledge of our imperfections against the

outside packaging of others.

~Lysa TerKeurst

Why do we emotionally abuse ourselves and think it's okay? Why do we call ourselves names we would never allow someone else to call us? Why do we diminish who God has created us to be?

Dear sweet sister,

I may not have seen your journey or know your story, but I thank the Lord for you. You are a lavishly loved child of God and that makes us sisters.  Because you are my sister I know that you are beautiful, precious and unique. You are worthy of love and affection.  You were hand crafted by the creator of the universe and your worth surpasses all earthly treasures.

There will be times when you will feel like a failure; times when it may be hard to remember you are cherished and loved. But I pray, sweet sister that you will never forget that you were worth dying for; that you are a daughter of the living King.  You were chosen and you are adored.

God has a marvelous and perfect plan for your life and a future full of hope.  Every good gift you receive comes from His hand. Your father in heaven rejoices over you with singing. He is your biggest fan and greatest encourager.  He wants to comfort you in your troubles and heal your brokenness. And He loves you with an undying, always and forever, never giving up, never ending love and nothing will ever separate you from that love.

So take God's hand and embrace the journey sister!