I wish Satan would take a Sunday off...

Scenario one: We're sitting around the table enjoying a leisurely breakfast. My husband and I are sipping our coffee.  Our girls are laughing.  We all get dressed and ready to go without incident and head to church.

Reality: Sunday is inevitably the one day when my children will sleep in.  We will hit the floor in a sprint.  We'll eat breakfast around the island in the kitchen.  The girls arguing and carrying on, my husband and I guzzling the coffee. The five of us will crowd into our tiny bathroom; Dana brushing teeth while I do the hair.  We'll argue over outfits and wrestle little girls into tights. There will be yelling, snapping and sometimes tears. And just when I've broken a sweat I'll have 5 minutes to get myself ready.  We'll hustle out the door and load the crew in the van.  And as we drive to church I'll feel angry and defeated and wonder how this happened again!!??!

Maybe I need to lower my expectations. Maybe I need a better plan.

This morning started like scenario one.  My oldest had had a friend sleep over and while they all slept in we had already planned to go to a later service than usual.  We had all the time in the world this morning.  Breakfast went off without a hitch even if we all did congregate around our tiny kitchen island.  Then my husband got a call to run up to church and fix some thing or another that was needed to record the church service.  

While he was gone (literally about ten minutes) I decided I would tackle cleaning up the kitchen which looked like a bomb had hit it.  At the same time my 2 1/2 year old was in the bathroom playing with water, my youngest had decided to climb on top of the dinning room table and my oldest and her friend were "bored".  It was enough to send what seemed like a scenario number one morning into reality in the blink of an eye.

I texted my husband "I wish Satan would take a Sunday off!!!!"

My husband replied with "It's his best day."

Keep awake! Watch at all times. The devil is working against you.

He is walking around like a hungry lion with his mouth open.

He is looking for someone to eat.

Stand against him and be strong in your faith.

Remember, other Christians over all the world are suffering the same as you are.

1 Peter 5:8-9

I wanted Satan out of here in a big way so I told him to scram and cranked up the worship music.  My husband and I each grabbed a toddler and started dancing.  Just then my oldest and her friend came down the stairs.  We got some funny looks, perhaps they are too cool to hoedown on a Sunday morning.  After our spontaneous worship session we realized we had 45 minutes to get six people ready and to church.  But God met us in our living room this morning.  He covered us in peace and I swear he must have stopped the clock for a bit because we even arrived to church early. And relaxed and happy.

The man who does not give up when the tests come is happy.

After the test is over, he will receive the crown of life.

God has promised this to those who love Him.

James 1:12

So I just encourage you today, know that you are not alone in your suffering and tests! Whether its safe guarding your Sunday mornings or safe guarding your marriage.  Maybe evil descends on your house at 5 pm (it does at mine) or maybe the evil is threatening to over take your thoughts.  You are not alone! And don't give up! You were meant to overcome, not to be overcome.  You were meant to be happy and you are destined for the crown of life.

The grass is always greener...

Most of my life I've suffered from poor self esteem.  Looking back I think it was in large part due to my own self sabotage and destructive thinking.  I wasn't bullied or made fun of, in fact I was pretty good at blending in to the background.  I was constantly comparing myself to everyone around me and wanting whatever they had. My curly hair was never in style, I was always heavier than every other girl and my clothes always came from the wrong store. You know, how the grass is always greener...

My self worth was always based on whatever everyone else had and what everyone was doing.  I was always striving for the status that I gave everyone else and I was always falling short. And that is a miserable, lonely and dangerous place to be.

One day my oldest came home from school overflowing with excitement about the new friend she had made.  The next day as I was dropping her off and the new friend's mom introduced herself.  The new friend was just as excited about having met Eva.  We chatted a bit and exchanged numbers.  I went home so intimidated.

This mom was gorgeous, with the perfect hair and the cute clothes and the nice car. A week or two passed and we set up a play date for the girls.  I won't lie when I say I had a full blown panic attack before said play date. Crying in my closet over what to wear.  Stressed that what I had would never come close to what she surely did.  As I drove in the driveway that day I learned she had a spectacular house too. I was crushed.

Yet as I got to know her I realized that she was humble, kind and gracious. She was shy and had insecurities just like me.  She was just trying to figure out life, just like me.

It was as I was going through the Made to Crave Bible study that I really started to learn who I was as compared to who I thought I was.  I am not a failure or a hypocrite or a loser. I am a lavishly loved child of God, wholly and dearly loved, and set apart for a mighty plan.  I am accepted. I am cherished. I am free.

We compare, we assume, we assess, 

we measure, and most times walk away

shaking our head at how woefully short

our "me" falls when compared to everyone else.

How dangerous it is to hold up the intimate 

knowledge of our imperfections against the

outside packaging of others.

~Lysa TerKeurst

Why do we emotionally abuse ourselves and think it's okay? Why do we call ourselves names we would never allow someone else to call us? Why do we diminish who God has created us to be?

Dear sweet sister,

I may not have seen your journey or know your story, but I thank the Lord for you. You are a lavishly loved child of God and that makes us sisters.  Because you are my sister I know that you are beautiful, precious and unique. You are worthy of love and affection.  You were hand crafted by the creator of the universe and your worth surpasses all earthly treasures.

There will be times when you will feel like a failure; times when it may be hard to remember you are cherished and loved. But I pray, sweet sister that you will never forget that you were worth dying for; that you are a daughter of the living King.  You were chosen and you are adored.

God has a marvelous and perfect plan for your life and a future full of hope.  Every good gift you receive comes from His hand. Your father in heaven rejoices over you with singing. He is your biggest fan and greatest encourager.  He wants to comfort you in your troubles and heal your brokenness. And He loves you with an undying, always and forever, never giving up, never ending love and nothing will ever separate you from that love.

So take God's hand and embrace the journey sister!

In need of a mental health day...

It's been a long week.  A week filled with sinus infections and ear infections and little sleep. Crabby children. Crying children. Clingy children. A week of running to appointments; doctor, chiropractor, ENT, audiologist. A week of broken baby doll arms that caused such heartache that tears flowed for an hour.  A week that if being a stay at home mom came with vacation days, I'd be cashing them in.  Maybe just a mental health day? No? Okay.

And yet I was still not prepared for what happened when my oldest arrived home from book club today.  The way Eva devours books signing her up for book club once a month at the library was a no-brainer.
Usually she comes home bursting at the seems with excitement but today she went straight to her room.  I called out "So how was book club?" I received an "I don't want to talk about it." Now, I have three girls. I knew one day I would encounter this response. I did not expect it at almost seven years old.

Eva appeared from her room a few minutes later stating we should probably get her homework done.  So we did her timed reading test where she got her best score yet but there was no joy.  On to spelling words. When I couldn't immediately locate the list of words to quiz her on there were tears.  Something was definitely up.  I tried to pry but she told me her stomach hurt; stating that she probably ate too much cheese and crackers at book club.

In her perfectionist way she aced her spelling words and declined a high five.  She asked if she could play on the tablet and lie in bed.  I conceded after determining she was not feverish and she was not going to puke.  I perched myself on the edge of her bed and said "Did something happen today?"

And then the story flooded out of her.  She had gotten scolded at book club.  Her and a friend were trying to do hand stands.  Yes, she knew she should have been paying attention. And yes, she knew the library wasn't the best place to be attempting a hand stand.  And yes, she was sure the beloved librarian was quite upset with her.

I finally realized how my mom had felt, raising me.  She always told me she could never punish me because I would beat myself up worse than any punishment she could have doled out.  And that was true. I remember being grounded...once...for like an hour (maybe less).

I was raising a mini-me.  Where was that mental health day when I needed one?

I consoled Eva by telling her that while the beloved librarian had probably been frustrated with her and maybe even a little disappointed in her behavior that she wouldn't hold it against her.  She wouldn't be upset with her forever and it was probably already forgotten.  I offered to take her to the library so she could apologize and see for herself but she thought she was to nervous for that.  Instead we drafted a note of apology.

I then explained how even though mommy and daddy get frustrated with our kids (which had been happening a lot this week) we still love them. Always. And that nothing would change that. Before I could even connect the dots, Eva said "Like God loves us." Exactly.  I was thankful that she caught on quick because this mama is spent.  

Yet it reminded me of the devotional I read just this morning. God said "This is my son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased."  And God said that before Jesus did anything great. Before he did any miracles or died on the cross.  He loved him because he was his son. Period.

And God says "You are my daughter, whom I love; with you I am well pleased."  Delighted in who I am. Not what I do or what I don't do. No matter how I may have failed this week. Pleased because of an unconditional love I sometimes still can't wrap my mind around. An incomprehensible gift, simply given.

HIS plan...

I love my children....but, sometimes I just wish I could be selfish.  As a mom it is easy to get wrapped up in all your children's needs and activities and if you're not paying attention you can completely lose yourself.  This morning I was faced with the decision to be a responsible mom, focusing on what was best for her child or to be selfish and do what I wanted to do.  I chose to be responsible but was feeling a bit bitter about the decision, especially since the "selfish" option was going to church.

Let me back up a bit.  I haven't been able to sit in church and hear a sermon in over a month now due to my children's illnesses and activities.  I know there are alternatives, listening online or spending my own quiet time with the Lord and my bible but I've been missing worship and missing being spiritually fed in church.

Yesterday I had the privilege of speaking to a group of women at a church event.  While the experience was thrilling and terrifying all at the same time it only made me crave being able to get back to church all the more.  Then I came home, back to reality.  My youngest two both fighting something, one teething the other struggling with fluid in her ears.  Not quite sick but not quiet well but both cranky.

So my husband and I weighed our options.  He had to be at church as it was his week to work in the booth and record the service for the website and television.  The timing of one of us going to one service and the other going to another never seems to quite work out so Grandma to the rescue.  She agreed to watch my kids so that my husband and I could go together.  I was so excited! About going to church!

Then bed time came and this whole "spring ahead" daylight saving time business.  My kids are typically really good at going to bed, but not last night.  And my kids are typically pretty happy in the morning, but not this morning.  As my youngest was throwing herself on the floor, throwing about her tenth tantrum I knew I had a decision to make.  Be responsible and put this poor girl out of her misery and down for a nap or be selfish by taking her to grandmas and suffering the consequences later.

To bed she went.  My husband headed off to church.  Grandma picked up my non-sleeping girls and I was left with quiet and another decision to make.  I could pout that I didn't get my way.  I could throw myself a little pity party and think about unfair it all is. Or I could let God speak to me.

I turned on some worship music.  I started with a little Crowder (obvious choice for those of you that know me).

There's no space that his love can't reach

There's no space that we can't find peace

There's no end to Amazing Grace

Then I opened up my email and looked at my verse of the day.

So don't be embarrassed to speak for our Master or for me, his prisoner. Take your share of suffering for the Message along with the rest of us. We can only keep going, after all, by the power of God, who first saved us and then called us to his holy work. We had nothing to do with it. It was all HIS idea, a gift prepared for us in Jesus long before we knew anything about it. But we know it now. Since the appearance of our Savior, nothing could be plainer: death defeated, life vindicated in a steady blaze of light all through the work of Jesus. 2 Timothy 1:8-10 (MSG)

This was HIS plan since the beginning of time. That today, March 9th, 2014 I would wind up sitting in the quiet listening to God speak to my heart. Telling me that there is no place that his love can't reach and no space where I can't find peace and that there is certainly no end to His Amazing Grace.  It was HIS plan  to show us His grace through Jesus Christ.  And because he has vindicated and illuminated my life I should share the good news.  It was HIS plan even if it wasn't mine when I got up this morning.