An hour of prayer as a family...

Last week our church offered a unique opportunity to the congregation. They called it a week of prayer. Basically you committed to an hour time slot where you would go to the church building and pray. There were different stations and prompts to guide you in your prayers and someone was there praying around the clock for a week straight.  We did the same thing last year and it was a powerful experience so I was excited to sign my husband and myself up.

Yesterday at 1:00 in the afternoon was our time only due to a miscommunication we didn't have a sitter for our girls.  So my husband says "Let's go pray as a family." "Are you crazy?" and "That's never going to work." were a couple of my responses.  But selfishly I wanted to go and I didn't want to ask my husband not to go and there weren't a lot of other options so we loaded this girls up in the car.  Let me remind you that my girls are 7, 3 and 2 years old. I grumbled all the way to church and as we waited in the car for the person before us to come out and let us in my 7 year old reminded us of how much she did not want to be there. "This is going to be soooo boring. I can't pray for an hour!" I was pretty sure she was right and that this was going go very badly.

I paraded the girls into church with a heavy heart and a bad attitude. We hung our coats and entered the prayer room and my breath was taken away.  The room was set up into stations and it was just beyond what I could imagine. At the first station there was music playing.  We were prompted to sing along and worship. It also talked about all the names of God. Prince of Peace, King of Kings, El Roi, Jehovah, Emmanuel, I Am....I could go on and on. We were prompted to write the one that held meaning for us onto a small chalkboard set on an easel, only it was full so the words had been extended onto the wall. The wall was full from top to bottom, left to right, it was absolutely breathtaking.  And well, David Crowder was playing so my girls were okay hanging out at the station and singing along.

The next station was confession. I sat down with my oldest and asked her if she knew what confession meant.  She wasn't sure so I explained it as doing something you know you shouldn't be doing or sinning and then telling it to God and apologizing. She immediately started to cry. She confessed her sin to me and then together we wrote it on slip of paper with a special pen and nailed it to a cross.  Then there was a heat gun we used to blow over the words making them disappear.  I was able to tell her that that is what Jesus does for us when we confess our sin.  He wipes it away and makes us clean again.  It was a powerful visual to share with her.

Next was our identity in Christ. My girls loved this station because it was an area full of mirrors that had words written on them of who God says we are. Free, forgiven, loved, valued, strong, righteous....again I could go on and on.  We had each of them take turns sitting in front of the mirrors as we told them who God says they are.  We explained to them that they are God's girls; they were just entrusted to us for a short time here. 

Then came prayers for the workers of our church, our community and the churches in our area.  We let each of our girls draw a name from the fish bowl of someone who works or volunteers at our church and had each of them pray for the name on their paper.  Then we found a few of our oldest's friends in the phone book and prayed for them.  Then we prayed over all the churches in our area.

Next we prayed through art. There was a huge canvas and the girls were disappointed that it was so full, but people had been praying for about 160 hours at this point.  They were able to find a little room though.

The next station held a map of the world and people had circled areas and written messages about the areas they had prayed for.  We located some friends of ours in Spain and my sister-in-law in Seattle and circled those areas.  We prayed for their safety and protection. We prayed that God would use them to be salt and light where they are. And then we selfishly prayed that we'd be reunited soon. Our oldest noticed a comment written on the map that regarded us as aliens and I was able to explain to her that this (earth) is not our home.  We belong in heaven which makes us aliens and not from this world. 

The last station was meditation. By the time we got there we had just 10 minutes left of our hour.  We took the time to look around the room and reflect on all the different ways we had prayed. When we got home I was snuggling with my 3 year old who had been (normally) quiet. I asked if she liked going to church to pray and what her favorite part was; she replied with "I liked hanging my coat on the funny hook and I like praying with no words." At first I felt a little defeated by her answer but then I thought about the last part of her answer "I like praying with no words." Maybe she did get something out of it?

The rest of the evening passed pretty typically except that I overheard a lot more prayer happening among our girls.  "Oh, you hurt your finger? I'll pray for it." "Can I pray for your head?" "Will you pray for my arm?" And instead of saying our bedtime prayer together each of them wanted to pray individually.  "Thank you for this day. Thank you for mom and dad. Thank you for cheese..."  

Thank you for an hour of prayer with my family.

When I think of the wisdom and scope of his plan, I fall down on my knees and pray to the Father of all the great family of God—some of them already in heaven and some down here on earth— that out of his glorious, unlimited resources he will give you the mighty inner strengthening of his Holy Spirit. And I pray that Christ will be more and more at home in your hearts, living within you as you trust in him. May your roots go down deep into the soil of God’s marvelous love;  and may you be able to feel and understand, as all God’s children should, how long, how wide, how deep, and how high his love really is; and to experience this love for yourselves, though it is so great that you will never see the end of it or fully know or understand it. And so at last you will be filled up with God himself. Now glory be to God, who by his mighty power at work within us is able to do far more than we would ever dare to ask or even dream of—infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, or hopes. May he be given glory forever and ever through endless ages because of his master plan of salvation for the Church through Jesus Christ.

Ephesians 3:14-21 {TLB}

I've lost my joy...

I haven't written in a while. I've missed it. I've had loads of ideas but I haven't made the time to write them down. And then the other day it hit me. I think it's because I've lost some joy. Joy in writing, joy in being a stay at home mom, joy in life.

My doctor always told me that I probably suffered from Seasonal Affective Disorder. My doctor is a very smart lady; but I never really considered it because I always had so much other junk going on that I could contribute my depression, sadness or loss of joy to.  Like the regular depression that comes when life is stressful, or pregnancy, or baby blues.

But over the last couple of years I feel like I've turned a corner and gotten a control over my depression and anxiety. It was like God had fully opened my eyes and a huge weight was taken off of my shoulders. I went into this winter season feeling strong and confident.

Then the days got shorter and the temperature got lower.  The sun stopped shinning.  It started taking 3 times as long to leave the house and somewhere along the line leaving just became not worth it all. The girls started crawling the walls and fighting because we couldn't go for a walk and they couldn't ride their bikes; they were now relegated to playing within 250 square feet, together, all the time.

Then Christmas came. We decided to intentionally cut back this year. Cut back on presents, parties and activities.  We wanted to focus on the birth of our Savior instead on getting wrapped up in all "the stuff". In the end we spent the week between Christmas and New Year's sick, each one of us taking our turn. We missed every family get together but we got a quiet and subdued Christmas that left us all a little more than stir crazy.

And somewhere along the way I lost my joy.

When you loose your joy it's really easy to start believing all those old lies.  I don't know what your old lies are, but for me it boils down to my identity. I'm a stay at home mom and (most of the time) I feel incredibly blessed be able to stay home with my girls.  But then the doubts creep in. Their not getting along, I must be doing something wrong. Or my 3 1/2 year old isn't potty trained yet, I'm such a disgrace. Or I let them have too much screen time, I'm such a loser.  And then I take it one step further and decide that my identity doesn't go beyond the four walls of my house. Surely I don't matter to anyone else. What would they want me for anyway when I'm doing a fine job messing up my kids???

We haven't been to church since before Christmas. Last Sunday I was questioning whether our kids immunity systems were up to an outing but in the end it was the -32 degree windchill that finally made me say forget it. My sweet husband told me I should go to church, he'd stay home with the kids. As I was putting on my makeup and getting ready to go, the recording of my old lies started playing in my head. So instead of going to church I had a panic attack on my bathroom floor.

My husband suggested we find a sermon to watch instead. We decided on a sermon by Andy Stanley called "In the Meantime".  If you are at all relating to my post so far I highly encourage you to watch the video. Andy Stanley starts off by asking "What do you do when there is nothing you can do? When it is what it is?"  The question caught my attention immediately.

Because there isn't really much I can do about my geographical location.  Even if we could up and move or even "winter" somewhere warm it wouldn't be an immediate solution. I would still be isolated from my friends and my family.  And I really do love living where we do the half of the year that it's not winter.

So what do you do when there is nothing you can do? Nothing that will make your situation better? Or what if doing something would make your situation worse? You can't change another person's feelings any more than you can change the weather. So now what?

We can run, give up, get angry. We can start to believe the old lies. The lies that make us believe we'll never be happy again or that nothing good will come from this. The lies that have us believing that there is no point in continuing and wondering if God even cares. This is dangerous territory, my friends.

This is where we need to pull the e-brake and reflect on what we know to be true. God is never absent. Sure we can really easily tune God out, but that doesn't mean He went anywhere.

Be strong and courageous.

Do not be afraid,

for the Lord goes with you.

He will not leave your or forsake you.

Deuteronomy 31:6

At the end of the sermon, Andy Stanley has everyone repeat out loud these statements:

• I can be happy again.
• Something good can come from this.
• There's a purpose for this plan.

I was sobbing again by this point and I heard God whisper in my heart, "I'm here. I'm doing something you don't understand right now; preparing you for something you can't see. There is a purpose to this pain and this season. You are my child whom I love. You matter to me."

You matter. You are a child of the King. You have a purpose and there is a purpose for this pain. You will be happy again. Be strong and courageous, friend. The Lord is for you.

Because I, your God

have a firm grip on you and I'm not letting go.

I'm telling you 'Don't panic.

I'm right here to help you.'

Isaiah 41:13 {The Message}

My friend Shelly, who is so good at speaking truth, also wrote about her perspective on winter. You can read it on her blog, Just Trying to find My Way.